It seems like everyone I know is having baby girls. There have been some boys, too, but not many. I don't mean that that goes for the whole population, but as for my circle, girl rule. Girl's rule...that seems to be the attitude about it, too. As if we've won a war. Now girls can rule! Now's our chance to run things and show men what fools they are!
Is that really the attitude to take?
We have been blessed with new people and before they're even born we're pitching them against the opposite sex in a battle to prove whose better?
I don't intend for my daughters lives to be focused on proving something to men.
We've spent the last couple generations trying to empower girls (as if we were super heroes who need powers or something). We've tried to build them up. Show them their value. Tell them they're intelligent, talented, athletic, beautiful. But, think about that for a minute...we summed them up by their looks, smarts and talents. Is that what gives them value? Is an athletic girl more valuable than a not-so-athletic girl...or guy. Is a person valued by their brainpower or education? Is human life worth preserving because it's in an attractive body? In all of our attempts at liberating women, what we've really done is to value ourselves (and each other) based on performance and put on the pressure to "prove" that we are just as good as men .What's to prove?
Your value is in the very simple fact that you are the craftsmanship of the living God. I know that sounds cliche and a little vague, so let me explain. You see, when Christ hung on the cross and the devil whispered in His ear that He should call down legions of angels to end His pain (a very overwhelming temptation, I'm sure), He thought about OUR daughters and said to the devil, "No, I think I'll stay here." You see, she is so precious that the God who made the sun, moon and stars longed to have her by His side and was willing to suffer and die for her. I just have to say, as a mom, there is nothing that gets me quite like that. I was always grateful for his sacrifice for me, but when I think of Him up there for my baby girls...just, wow!
That's their value and it has nothing to do with intelligence, athleticism, artistic talent or beauty. It's about their heart and soul and God's love for them. Our daughters have to have the kind of confidence in themselves that doesn't hinge on those things, because those things don't define them. They're just gifts, tools...like a car. It's useful. You have responsibility to use it wisely and for good, but take away the car and you're still you. Your value doesn't depend on your possession of the car, any more than your value depends on your intelligence or talents. Use them, by all means! But don't get your value from them. What if our daughters had been born in a third world country, with no education and opportunity to pursue athletics or the arts? What if she wasn't (what the world calls) beautiful, she would still be just as valuable as she is now. If she is born with a disability, mental or physical, she would be just as valuable as anyone else. Without realizing it, in our attempt to give them confidence, we've actually taught them to value themselves (and in doing so, other people) for the wrong reasons. For a diploma, a paycheck, a medal, prestige... When Jesus hung on the cross, our smarts and talents didn't determine His love for us, we shouldn't let them determine our self love either. Our value should lay in our person hood and nothing else.
The reason this is important is because if we teach them the right kind of confidence, they can be something more that crowds of women with posters yelling, "I am woman, hear me roar!" I see pins on pinterest all the time with sayings like, "I am smart", "I am strong","I can do anything", "I am a godess". Sounds like insecurity or pride, not confidence. When we have the kind of confidence that comes in our knowledge of God's love for us, it isn't empowerment, it's more like peace. Just real peace that we are valuable. No yelling and screaming and demanding to be treated like divas, just real deep unshakable peace. No one can take that away and let me tell you, they can take a lot away. One doctors visit can take it all away. One car accident, one political agenda, one run in with the wrong person...it can be taken away and all your girl is left with is that Jesus loves her just the same...isn't He great.
When we give our daughters this peace, the "God loves me kind of peace", we give them a whole different perspective on themselves and others. God didn't die for us because we were so amazing, He died in spite of our overwhelming sin, weakness and foolishness. The last thing that should do is empower us, but it should humble us and once we're humble, NOW, we become useful. The girl going through her awkward stage who is "empowered" looks at the cute, talented cheerleader and says, "I'm just as good as her!" and sticks her little nose in the air with superiority, arrogance and a little resentment. The same girl, if she is at peace because of God's love for her, (first of all isn't awkward) and looks at the cute, talented cheerleader and says, "God loves her just as much as me," and sees the value in her without losing value in herself.
Let's take it even further. When God was hanging on the cross He also died for men. Rather than seeing men as the enemy and women as victims, we should have our daughters seeing them as equals; flawed, fragile and valuable in the eyes of God. No better, no worse, no stereotyping, no competition. It's true, men have done terrible things to women through history, but at the same time women do terrible things to their own children, just turn on the news, if you can stomach it. We're all capable of the same evil and all guilty of sin. Jesus hung on the cross for his dear friend Peter. Overzealous, deeply passionate Peter who denied Him three times, but who was later killed for his love of Christ. Aren't we complicated! Isn't He patient.
There's another beautiful gift we give our girls when we give them this kind of peace, rather than empowerment...the ability to take on anything without fear of failure, because their value is not determined by success. Think about the pressure our society puts on women to overcome obstacles and achieve greatness, be the first, be the best, make history... so what if they don't? Let's be honest, there can only be one best, does that mean everyone else is a failure? There are only so many ways to make history and is that really why we're put here? What if she tries her best and succeeds? Awesome! Good for her! What if she doesn't? She's still just amazing isn't she! Imagine facing your challenges with complete peace of your value at the beginning. Wouldn't it make the journey more fun if so much wasn't hinged on success? We can give that to our girls!
Instead of introducing our girls into the world with insecurity, pressure and resentment, let's introduce them to the security and peace that comes from our loving God. Let's introduce them to the peace that will continue after this world and all its petty expectations and conflicts are over.
"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" - 1 John 3:1
